Love and Hate are what makes the world say Damn.

I'd choose this over Spanish any day.

OK so I went to an absolutely awesome shindig even though I got so drunk I had to take a nap because I started to hyperventilate.

I ended up falling asleep watching Aladdin with three of my mates one who happens to be my ex boyfriend, turns out the not so current boyfriend seems to think that we've managed to sleep with each other (dude there were other people in the room!) and started crying like a fucking little girl.

He actually needs to man up fucking grow a pair and stop being so god damn fucking emotional about everything. He also needs to stop getting so jealous (not one of your best qualities hun) over the fact that I now have an entirely new life now I've moved away from everything and that its wrong that I have new friends that are different from the kind of people and the kind of life he's used to. Maybe this shit is karma because it always involves me and do you know what it felt good to have the kind of power i had over you then and the power to do what I want for a change.

Plus you get all pissy over the fact that i had a legitimate reason to tell you to go away then you go and say that its only OK for me to be hugging another guy because he happens to be gay, I'm sorry babe but discrimination isn't sexy at all. Also just because you're older doesn't mean you know everything and you know how to deal with every fucking situation people are stuck in because son you really really don't none of us do.

OK maybe some shit happened but you are acting far to bloody arseholeish to realise that maybe you should take just a smidgen of the blame for this and that if you had made more of an effort this wouldn't have happened? Also don't you get that me being like an emotional yo-yo be a prime opourtunity to make this effort?

So yer I'm not upset because you showed who you really are and I don't like it.

And then love there is you.

As Always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

You may have noticed

A slight change.

Well first off the name's changed.

Its cos I live in an ASkars bubble if you dont know who he is then your missing out on the most beautiful man in the world.

Ive also realised that I NEVER needed to change to get some stablility in my life even though having it scares me somewhat.

Also True Blood updates for all you lot (who actually care):

• Season 3 comes on to FX (Sky 164) in January 2011
• Book 11 - Dead Reckoning- is out sometime in May 2011
• Season 4 starts in June 2011 (In the USA but for all you naughty people who watch it online like me :) )

As Always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

Ahh Russia.

Why must you ruin my life so.
You're taking it over seriously.
Even Amazon goes would you like more books on how everyone hated on you in the 80's.
Well tbh I really don't I'm a bit sick of you really.
However you get me out of my ASkars bubble and for that you must be commended.

x

Cork, you silly Cockney cunt

"What really moves me about the rugby is when they sing Swing Low Sweet Chariot.35,000 middle class white men singing a black slave song. However they used to sing Dire Straits songs so its swings and round abouts really." - Lee Mack.

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Oh well, the Devil makes us sin.

Well to be honest this is a load of fucking absolute bollocks and bloody god damn annoying.
I hate it I hate it I hate how it just fucks everything up entirely.


Fuck Fuckady Fuck Fuck Fuck.
Difficult Difficult Lemon Difficult.


Ok so maybe I should calm down but I cant calm down when this is all going on how do you expect me to?

I'm so so so sorry I really really sorry I mean I do like you but to be honest with you my dear I don't think it would work.


Then theres you what the absolute fuck am I gonna do with you I really don't know what I want from you cos I don't know what I want in general so how am I gonna know what I want from you?

And there is that still at the back of my head knawing at whatever is actually inside my skull I mean how long does that stuff stay in there? This is another Lemon Difficult moment

Phew that got a fuck load of ze old chest :)
As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

A message from the past with echoes from the future.

That is all she wanted you to do seriously. But dont worry about it poppet you cant have it all.
I mean with her blue nails brown eyeliner and fucked up eyes shes not the greatest looking whore in the world but thats how you made her feel like a dirty little whore that you could fuck over with someone that she trusted. So bitch shes now a stronger woman without her and shes gonna watch from the bench you sidelined her too and watch you do it all over again. And she thinks you know what have fun with that.

Much love
Stephaniejade
x

Am i detecting a slight bit of compasion and longing?

First of the bat is the mention of the one the only Mr Liam Walsh. (there you go sugar) as its Hammond-FUCKING-Northman.


Right so the first time we talk in ages and one of the things you want to know is how my love life is well love that's a bit of a curve ball.
Then y'all really nice and polite talking about how your quite upset (lol didn't think that word was in your vocab guide) that you wouldn't be able to see me during your quick weekend shame that really.
If you think that's gonna endear you to me then sugar you have another thing coming.
Cos i think that I'm finally over what ever the fuck we had way back in what seems like another life. So just go back to being who you was before an annoying slightly cute prat where compassion and longing aren't in your repertoire.KThnx


Also can i just say Liam is GAY!! Were are not going out you thick skulled nincompoop just cos were close doesn't mean we are together and just for the record I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH LUKE either. Arghhh its like come on really neither of those relationships would work cos no matter what i did i couldn't swing Liam back towards my side of the fence and Luke is just too much like someone else so merrr.

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Hell Would Have To Freeze More Than Twice Before I Will Let You Go.

You are my kryptonite.

This is gonna get ugly and someones heart is gonna be smashed.

We cant go on with this on the back burner.

We have to be honest with each other do we do this every time because its safe and we feel that safe is the only option we have or some fucked up extraneous variable that keeps bringing us back together like Elvis to a peanut butter and banana sarnie.

The thing is i really don't want to let you go cos i think if i do I'll lose the best thing that I'll probably ever have.

I mean to find out who you really are you have to take a deep look inside and you may not like what you find and to be honest i think this shit will end up on Jeremy kyle.

This is some crazy shit i mean we are almost grown ups now and concerning this we're acting like a pair of infatuated tweens.

Plus then theres the fact that half the time I'm a bitch to you and you don't love me more when I'm cold and heartless.

I really don't know what to do with you i really don't cos its like i must be insane for this to be fucking with my head i mean what kind of sane person does this shit come on its getting to be way to funny and surreal for this to be part of a foreseeable reality.

So maybe i just have to laugh this all off and leave it to go its own way or attempt to go all five rounds with this and let it tear me apart and everything I'm attempting to work for.

Don't take it personally I'm just venting in an overtired manner.

As Always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

Russel vs Eric

Russel "Does that help you decide, America? Do not turn off the camera! You’ve seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington, and I have been a vampire for nearly three thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you and, I suppose, in a few small ways, we are. We’re narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide? That’s a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flatscreen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd, garish McMansions! Futile symbols of permanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end, we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you, because let’s face it, eating people is a tough sell these days. So they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA, but make no mistake, mine is the true face of vampires! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you, after we eat your children. Now, time for the weather. Tiffany?"
Eric "If you two are done eye fucking each other can we go?"

And with that i made up my mind Eric beats Russel HANDS DOWN.

As always
Much Love
StephanieJade
xx

I Wish I Could

1. you couldnt find me freaky
2. have someone like you do
3. be able to rub my prettiness in other peoples faces.
4. be able to be smug.
5. be cool.
6. take photos properly
7. sing
8. draw
9. act
10. not be soo two faced all the time

yer a wish list that probably will never be fufilled.

x

Saying Hello and Saying Goodbye

This coming week will be a week of firsts.

On Monday i start my A-Levels at college with some cool new people and on Saturday I start my new job :)



But this past week has been one of lasts.

On Thursday I walked out of C.H.S.G for the last ever time as a student there I actually wanted to cry. While I have deliberately blocked out years 7-9 and alot of years 10 & 11 this past year has been amazing what with all the fun times and the people Ive met and even though Ive told them that I will miss them I just hope they believe me.

So now I will run through my best times with a select few people and if those of you who read this aren't on the list it doesn't mean that you don't mean anything its just that I cant fit everyone in.



Dearnna Michelle Marie Clinkscales: This girl is amazing and I love her very muchly. Maybe now I'm leaving she'll tell me what them god forsaken odds are (Ive been after these for the past 9 months ladies and gentlemen). I will miss our little chemistry and form times as these sometimes made my day.And I feel proud that I changed her mind about True Blood. Also she gives amazing advice :)

Hayley Seach/Garbutt: She is also amazing and I love her very muchly as well. I might find out the odds from her but my faith in that varies. I'll miss our form and work room times not that we actually got much work done but we introduced each other to some amazing new films and all that jazz (Her the last exorcism and me True Blood) She also gives amazing advice. :)

Pryianka Sharma: Her Micheal Jackson obsession is what makes her along with the fact that she is one of the most kind amazing helpful and beautiful people I know and the starter of our form's lists. She is adorable and the fact that shes quite clever has its bonuses especially for someone like me. Keep it real my dear for you are amazing :)

Carly Auletta: Thank you my dear for all your cheeky gossip and moaning in history and everything that you did during that very fragile part of my life :). Also for your help in history because without your cleverness and ability to make something out of nothing I always had something prepared for our lessons x

Nayo Akinyele: Nayo you are amazing and its gonna feel so weird not being around you because we've been to school for like ever bandon hill - chsg - sixth form so weird. Your Lady Gaga obsession is amazing and so totally you. x

Emily Horton: The sociology five is now down to two members and for that I am truly sorry. I will miss our law times which were amazing. x

Katie Shearlock:Sorry for leaving you in history. I still love you. I'll miss our chats about food on the way home (sorry for making you hungry all the time). I'm still available for you to rant at if you need to.x

I will miss you guys very muchly but you know everything must come to an end sometime.

All rivers even the most dazzling,those that catch the sun in their course,all rivers go down to the ocean and drown. And life awaits man as the sea awaits the river.

As always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Obsession Corner.

OK I freely admit i have a sometimes unhealthy obsession with the character Eric Northman and the man who plays him so I thought I'd share this with you about him. please note i found this and isn't my own work but still.



Back the fuck up and sit your arse down because your about be schooled in how to be a fine ass motherfucker.

This ain't some weak arsed lost-boys Dracula bullshit,son, this is 100% prime vampire meat called Eric Northman. And you best fucking recognize.

Hes not some punk bitch turned during the civil war,this smooth mother fucker was all up in that VIKING shit nailing those crazy opera bitches with the long arsed braids and discovering America before that bitch Columbus got his sugar daddy to send him over there. Hell you know his fine arse was tapping Grendel's mum or some shit just look at him.

Hes been around so long hes fucked all the hotties in the northern hemisphere and their mommas and their grannies and hes still a mad pussy hound. All hes got to do is look at you and your underwear goes up in a puff of smoke like that Bill bitch at noon on south beach. This pimp is so good it only takes him like 5 seconds to get to third base with a bitch who is undercover trying to find her boyfriend.

Amnesia? That doesn't slow a player down he'll give you such sweet loving you'll have to date a fucking tiger or some shit because NORMAL COCK JUST AIN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE.

AND DID I MENTION HE'S A VAMPIRE.
You know that means he can kick your arse in ways you ain't even dreamed of and you'll never had seen coming. Shit this VILF even has Elvis on his payroll, that right there should tell you all you need to know. And sure he cant come in unless you invite him, but one look at that blond arse and you'll be butt naked telling him to come anywhere he pleases.

As always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

They say silence is golden.

OK so I failed epicily and fucked up my life good and proper which can in some circles may be something that deserves congratulations. Then again maybe not.

So I did expect some form of a beating you know a nice bit of ego shrinking verbal abuse about your so shit and I'm so very disappointed but not this. My parents now hate each other because their ideas on how to treat my failure differ greatly. So the whole entire house is silent. I'm quiet naturally because I've just failed and deserve a little time to wallow in my own self pity because no other fucker is gonna give me any are they? Deanna doesn't know which way shes fucking swinging half the time so shes just sticking to shutting up and sitting in the corner. Its not like I'm even old enough to go out and get pissed to drown my sorrows which is really fucking annoying because what else am I meant to do.

This however differs entirely to three women who aren't even my parents or family members.
One is my sisters friends mum who was so lovely about the subject because she knows how it feels to fail at this type of shit. She told me to 'stay strong because it will sort itself out in time' which is a nice thing to say to a girl who is about to have a mental breakdown and go on a rampage.
The second one is my second mum. She always talks sense when no-one else in this world really does. She said it doesn't really matter you can always find another way like ''my Mandy did''.
Then came the text from my husband. She is just amazing. She was like never give up which I think is pretty good advice to anyone at any time.


So the house is full but silent which is making feel so bad about myself because I was the one who failed and so this is all my fault and no one wants to talk to me about anything that might cheer me up because they all want to blame me for everything all I want to say back is why don't you try blaming me for global warming or the economy crashing or fucking 9/11 while you're at then but i cant because the I'd be even more alone in my failure. Maybe I should just give up any dreams I actually had because since when did they get you anywhere in live. All that gets you anywhere is money and power which I don't have because I'm classed as part of the poor and dumb section of society which never has any power anyways. And the only way you can get all these is if your parents actually care enough about you I mean today Ive had more comfort and help from a semi-stranger and a woman whose not even my mum and Ive also had my grades laughed at by one of my so called friends so its nice to know that I am fucking loved.

That will be all.
Much Love
A Failure
x

I hate motorways.

Yes while they do provide an opportunity for a cheeky bit of a sing song and all that I still hate them.

My arse is still flaming numb because of it.
Over the past weekend my father has driven me over 300 miles down and across this country and the thing is our cars kinda falling apart.

Hopefully I can get through this week without having to go anywhere a near one of the fuckers as next week I have a four hour journey to my nans (love her doe) and another one back at the end of the bank holiday.

And then in October they will have to be my favourite thing in the world as my delightful father is driving me on a 400 mile round trip just so I can mooch around a university as well as many other trips to the what will surely become a thing of hate for him and plus he has a bad knee and suspected carpel tunnel in his right hand which makes me feel rather sad.

But on a lighter note I think me and my dad will bond this week because we're hopefully going to see The Expendables baby and the A-Team so what better than loads of fighting and explosions with Neeson, Stallone and Austin. Should be a blast (hehehehe I'm sorry)

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Plugging Does No-one Any Harm In Reality

I know that there are a lot of photography blogs on here but i came across this one and her stuff is really nice so if you want take a bit of a cheeky look im sure she would love your opinions and things.
http://momheartart.blogspot.com/

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Its Amazing How

A cheeky bit of retail therapy and a good old cheesy sing along can solve anything.
And with this logic I'm gonna go a hell of a long way.

As Always
Much Love
(a now extremly happy)
StephanieJade
x

This is a mainline mindfuck

I cant cope simple as. I need new friends, I need to be out of the loop for a while it might help.This is why I need to get away from you lot and to be honest I cant wait.
This is therapy right? Bollocks Even this is bloody scrutinised i cant even put my side of an argument down without there some form of enquiry having to take place this isn't bloody 15th century Spain.
I need to grow up and stop putting everything on display and falling so hard and so god damn bloody fast that's what got us into this mess. I get it I honestly do I'm the one out of us whose either gonna die alone or end up with some skin head piece of scum from a run down northern estate because I settled for the first thing that came along and not the Swedish hunk that I desperately want but will probably never get. Whereas the rest of you lot are gonna end up happy because that's the way the world works but hey a life like havishams is ok to be honest it sounds like a hell of a lotta fun.
But what I really want to know is that is there anything that puts you off me it might be nice to know so I can decide whether or not I like/love you enough to be arsed to change for you.
Because we all know that life isn't all rainbows and butterfly's and we all know that.
I mean at least fucking speak to me sunshine that may be just a little bit nice.
The long and short of this is please fuck off back to your hole and stop fucking with my head cos Ive given up on you I'm all cried out. Blind faith in something as fickle as love sucks, I mean what has love ever done for anyone. Love kills people (Shakespeare people was totally right) and has actually started wars i mean all it took was one mans love for another mans missus to start a full on war in troy.

Ahhh well old habits die hard.
So what have we learnt from this little therapy session:

• I need attention
• I need gossip
• I need love
• I get bored easily so I annoy people by texting them
• I'm a generally annoying person

Anyways

As Always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

I hate twilight and i love true blood bothered? Fuck off.

The other day my friend was talking about twilight (why I don't know hes bloody 19) so because that shit is nasty and infectious and has so far killed millions of peoples braincells i moved myself away from the conversation.

Then he comes back to me saying that the reason I don't like twilight is because 'everyone else does and you don't want to affiliate yourself with what people consider to be an institution'

No the reason I don't like it is because:

A) its rubbish

B) Stephanie Meyer's writing style is rubbish and doesn't flow right for me

C) The storyline is rubbish

D) The love triangle or whatever it is is absolutely atrocious I mean if you had to choose between a man you could actually go out with have 'fun' without the constant fear that they will kill you or a thing that wont even kiss you because he doesn't want to kill you.

E) It actually promotes incest if you think about it because SM says that Bella Edward and Jacob are based on her brothers and herself eww....

F)And her justification for the Cullens being able to walk outside during the day is that its cloudy in Forks. Well as we all know from Priyanka's sun cream lectures is that 'bollocks 80% of UV rays comes through the clouds'

G) The film is shit cos Kristen Stewart cant act and looks like she would rather be dead than there, and Robert Pattinson is just ewwwww I mean how can he possibly defend her if he cant defeat the fucking dark lord.

and finally

H) He fucking sparkles.

His opposing argument was appalling and I think he was just doing it to save face even though he knew i was right.He then brought up my love for True Blood why I don't know. He claims that 'its just the same as twilight you know cos its a love story and all that shit.'

Well here are my reasons for liking True Blood and the Southern Vampire Mysteries(the books on which its based):

A) Its amazing

B) Charlaine Harris's writing style is really good and actually flows making it easy to read.

C) The storyline is actually quite interesting and makes sense.

D) The love triangle/square/pentagon is good because she actually works out who she is gonna be with in the end with quite a few happy endings along the way.

E) There is no incest really except for the whole maker-child relationship which is explained quite thoroughly unlike in twilight.

F) They don't go out during the day they actually sleep like vampires are meant to do.

G) The show is actually good even though I do prefer the books and though the show does add different story lines into it they make it all work together and they only do it so they are able to make an actual series.

H) Its cast can act and are pretty pretty hot.

I) They don't sparkle.

As Always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

This is gonna take you a week to recover from

So I'm sitting here on the bedroom floor eating an apple listening to my favourite song by the boss* waiting for the best friend after what can only be described as a pretty banging weekend.

What made it so banging I hear you ask?

I took part in my FIRST ever drinking game at a flat gathering for Gemma got told I looked like 21 which I found extremely flattering.

Then on Sunday I rekindled my love for Eminem & Meatloaf which seems a very odd combination but hey it works seriously give it ago. Then I went and watched Probie do the race for life along with Courts was pretty banging not so many phitties this year though :'( then off to the Ben & Jerry's Sundae On The Common. Now that was amazing. Free ice cream all day fairground rides a giant man on stilts who proclaimed that 'he wasn't google' and some amazing bands even Dad was bopping away. And there was some phittys there wandering around in just their pants! But it was for a good cause though - Pants To Poverty (enter shameless plugging) they work kinda like fair trade but they raise their money through selling pants and use that to try and stop poverty name really says it all.

This was one of the very phit almost naked people -they were giving away free hugs you see I couldn't help myself.

Even the tube ride home was funny discussing the trials and tribulations of dance music all I wanted to do was see the sign then some man was like are you talking to me it took all my strength not to say 'mate you're not DiNero'.

Now my feet hurt but at least I wont take a week to recover unlike some people.

As always

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

*If you don't know who the boss is then shame on you - He is Bruce Springsteen and the song is Cover Me

Maybe this should be the other way round.

'Dumb girls crave smart men its the whole Marylin Monroe - Arthur Miller syndrome'

Except in my case I think im the smart one (Im reading the times as I write this!) even though I do lower my brain cell count through heavily moderated drinking and rubbish American versions of Jeremy Kyle and the men on my distant horizon are really quite dumb. Is this just me trying to make myself look and feel popular? Or me trying to compensate for the fact that the smart men I fancy wouldn't even give me a second glance if I was on fire?

Anyways SUMMERRRRR!!!!!

Schools finally out we were one of the last schools in our borough to be let out I mean the boys version of ours was let out last friday as was our 'partner' school this takes the piss. What do they think we're gonna do if we're all let out together cause a riot and crash the local high street? Or don't they trust us girls with two boys schools, they let the nun school down the road out with them so why not us?
But hey its all over cant believe next year will (hopefully) be my last in sixth form and at Car Girls sad times :( but thats not confirmed till august this & next year then its off to university which should be a bit of a giggle.
But till then its time do get a lot of reading done the endless nights on faceybook the shitload of research for both chem and history the constant film watching it should be fun as the tan will get topped up the brain cells shall steadily decline who really cares you only live once and thats the bottom line in my book.

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

The end of this old train journey

Ok so its the end of the school year finally my heart sings with joy.
Its been a bit of a maniac one as quite a few of y'all can contest, we've had people come and go the fights the giggles and what not.
So lets hope that next year (our final one eek!) is just as good and give it a decent shot

Good god that sounded soooo cheesy but hey has to be said.


As always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Letters from the sky..

I sit here looking out watching the rain fall down my window like tears falling from the sky carving lines through the earth as if it was a face. Your face.

Its times like this that i wish i was snuggled up with you with a cup of tea watching the flowers we carefully planted be beaten down by the heavy rainfall.

However thats not possible is it but how i wish it was.

I miss you nana i dont think it say enough but i do. Everytime it rains so hard that it drenches you from the inside out. Everytime i see a crazy pink coat. Everytime i see the infinity symbol i wish you could have lived for ever or just see me and us now. Everytime.

This is my letter to you in the sky.
StephanieJade
x

Dear John

Hey
Ok so your stuck between us three. Dont facking lie you stupid arse. You still love her she may not want to be with him any more and used mine and her lips to 'console' yourself i mean theres no accounting for taste. But that doesnt excuse the way you treated her during the aftermath. Yes i may have got in there first by asking whether or not our 'moment' actually meant anything and willingly accepted the response. Not that it meant much to me anyway just a way to let off some steam really. Telling her that you werent interested and that it flat out meant nothing to you. That would have been ok had it been from you not from the woman who claims to want bugger all to do with you.
I thought you were nice and not like the other guys we hang with but was i wrong of course thats whats got me into shit so maybe im not as good a judge of charecter as i thought.
I would use some certain words to describe how you made her feel but ima gonna tell you one thing you made her run straight back into his arms and i swear when that all goes to pot like it will as thats a fire that needs to burn out fast and hard and i get the full brunt of it i will be blaming you and your loved up arse.
She will never be yours again so your love is un-fucking-requited and so while it will hurt please whatever you do dont you dare hurt us or our relationship because then i will come down on your arse so hard you wont know what fucking hit you.

As always.
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Crisis

He's just the person you need when your having a cricketing crisis.
Ok so all you've done is lost two wickets so no your having a fucking crisis. Come back when the Bangladeshi's have caused a middle order collapse because once Collingwood goes the rest of your batting order will fall like flies after you've attacked them with bug spray.
Maybe Nasser that should be your new style of commentary for everything or just leave it all to Bumble,Gower,Beefy&Lloyd and only chip in the occaisonal annecdote from your days as england captain.
Much Love
StephanieJade
x
P.S two posts in one day i have to go to hell to check the temprature so might not be back for a while
P.P.S does anyone know when the next flight to michigan is (hehehe)

Steal My Romance

Speak to me
I'm hanging on your words.
Give to me
The love that I deserve.
But still you're going to hold your tongue
And torture me by playing dum.
Have you no idea what you've done
And what you're doing still.

Every word you say, kills me and steals my romance.
Every vacant stare that you throw at me steals my romance.

No more lies.
No more here nor there.
The time has come
To show me that you care.
But still you're going to turn in me.
And bring me down onto my knees.
Have you no idea just how to please me?
I just want to breathe.

Every word you say, kills me and steals my romance.
Every vacant stare that you throw at me steals my romance.
Never here nor there you just stand there and steal my romance.
Every hallow prayer when you kneel down and steal my romance


This at the moment is how i feel about you and no matter how much i attempt at changing this fucker that sits there nestled in the corner of my cold god forsaken heart its never ever going to actually happen. YOU have stolen all the romance im ever going to have everything always refers back to you and your silly orange dutch arse!
I even promised myself not to blog about you yet here i am sitting all alone surounded by flaming drangnfly fairy lights so im not even blogging the right way in a cool american coffee shop with a fit barista nabbing their free wi-fi like i could anyway all my confidence around the fit blokes has dwindled away now its just the fuck it im going in approach which gets me burnt like fucking toast.
I find myself thinking about in every situation and refering back to you in every single waking moment in my life you're going to turn me into a cat lady version of havisham whose hopes were dashed a the moment the shiny nokia express music phone proclaimed in white lettering im dumping your arse im outta here.

Wow sorry about that
As always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Fear

What am i fearful of?
Polysterene?
Dying alone?
Never being loved?
The world changing and leaving me behind?
Making a fool of myself trying to talk my way into a prefect job with badly recived jesus jokes?
Actually im afraid of all of those, but what im most afraid of in my life is failing my parents.
While yes i most likely am going to university but not to do what they want making lots of money and having everything they never had.
I am a history geek through and through always have always will be and law is nothing more than a hobby after all it was churchill who said ' find a job you love and you'll never work again'
But fear is a bloody good motivator but i dont think i can bring myself to deny me the fun i find in learning about the past, and while no i dont have clue how a history degree will create oppourtunites later on but do know what i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.
Fear roughly translates as Fuck Everything And Run. So thats exactly what im going to do right into the arms of my first love. History.

As Always
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Complex much?

I have a warrrior complex.
Simple really.
Say to me that your a soldier or descended from vikings or romans or even if you say that im from sweden or denmark, i will have to say wait a moment while i take of all my clothes.
But do you fit this bill? NO.
Your a dutty wimp of a man whore who when faced with a difficult situation would probably run like you were trying to beat Usain fecking Bolt in the 100 metres.
Then why please tell me why you are the one who has stolen my rather cold heart that normally will only be broken by a hardened warrior. The answer is i havent got the flaming foggiest.Might be your heritage i mean since when have they been to war or created a hardend band of warriors i cant even remember a history lesson on it to be honest.
Maybe its because they say absence makes the heart grow fonder but since you've rocked back up ive seen you how many times. Ive spoken to properly only once but that was after you seemed to ring me up in a panic thinking that something was obviously wrong NO i was bored so i rung you and other people so it wasnt just you there was no need to think that you were so superior to the rest of my feeble contacts list.
Man you actually make me feel quite sick you text me and demand to know whether i actually love you or not then ignore me for a while then you say we've got to sort this out face to face (nice to see you wanting to be mature for a change) then just leave me hanging. Yes i do want to sort this out but im not taking control of the situation you made the suggestion sort it out.
Maybe you just need to man up and take control yourself the ball is in your court now.
With the truck load of information i got this afternoon on you i dont know why im even going through all this pain but no pain no gain right?
Oh and if you see me before you read this not that you ever will (hopefully) the only reason im wearing your necklace is because I want to also because i needed something sparkly to wear with my outfit and i havent actually be arsed to change it and also i wanted a change to the whole bar and dog tag combo so now i have the sparkly circle and dog tag combo and you know what im rocking this shizzelle and until i want to change it no matter what you say will actually make me.
Perhaps i should break one of my own blogging rules and name and shame you but no thats not the type of person i am and plus everyone will probably get who you are even without your name.
So now i think that while i try and get over you i will go on a hunt for a swedish (whole or half i havent decided) soldier descended from vikings but that search may take a while or maybe just someone who will treat me better than you did.

Much Love
StephanieJade
x

The worlds outside my windows...

I dont like one of them one bit.

For all my life i have dreamt of being Hodges from CSI: & Abbey from NCIS. After a week in a toxicology lab never gonna happen.
Yes its one of the best in the land as they do things from forces and labs around the country they even did the tox work for Alexander McQueen. Yes they're lovely people who love their work but now I just cant bring myself to join in. Maybe had I been allowed to join in and not just label god damn fucking tubes this post could have all been different. And because they have welcomed me they get doughnuts.
But no its the other window I want to look out of now the one where im surrounded by the past history is my first love and probably always will be.
So this is the window I hope to be looking out of soon.

Much Love
StephanieJade;
xx

Mediocre Minds.

Ive decided that over the next few days I'll post one of the inspirational photo-quotes that I found and my opinion on what they say.

So Here it goes:

This is very very true for example people still don't believe that Darwin is right and we evolved through natural selection and the survival of the fittest. And no believed people like Galen to start with and only once the church said he was right he was deemed correct. A more recent example would be Greece there were riots in the streets cos they were told to cut back financialy to stop the country from going down the pan.
All would be needed was for this to be explained in both detail and the general gist of things for the general public. So there really isn't any need for violence over an idea all is needed is discussion and explanation which would educate the uneducated in that field and allow for the idea to be developed.
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Fuck It & Suck It

Whoah there not like that cos this time its different I know I can be a whore but now what with me thinking which in itself is a terribly bad idea I only have a year left with these people and as I can no longer do anything good in there eyes two sets of phrases crossed my revision soaked brain. Fuck It & Suck It hence the title.

I saw this on a friends blog and thought 'tis a rather smashing idea' so i nabbed it please don't flame me because hers is alot better than mine.
So heres what ima planning on doing(hopefully if when i get to see the Alejandro premiere):

• Revise cos at the moment I sure as hell need to if this plan is go correctly.
• Actually pick what I'm going to do at university cos its all down to the flip of coin ladies and gentlemen.
• Party after my exams are over roll on Friday sunshine.
• Drink maybe more moderately and actually go with what i want and not with what everyone else is having after all I am meant to be and individual.
• Not Dress Up I mean come on if its just a get together why go to all that trouble hoodies and flip flops from now on thats the best your gonna get.
• Read more cos I feel as if ima slacking a little I haven't read a book properly since September and for me that's bad form serious bad form
• Sunbathe I know I have a tan but I want this one to last like my old one did and that is going to take alott of hours maybe i can catch up on shiz
• See my friends even though it feels as if I'm alone going through this crazy game of marbles people call life I'm not I have a cluster of people that are there for me when ever I need them my friends. *Spelling tip keep -end at the end of friend because we all know true friendships never end.*
• Miss people when my husband goes across the pond for ten weeks I'm going to miss her so much it will be quite unbelievable.
• Get my stories either up on here or wherever cos I need them to be out there as like Tinkerbell & Rachel Berry I need applause and praise to live. And plus my love for metaphorical symbolism is huge (sorry just had to see if i could get it in a sentence this week)
• Get something that at least resembles a form of relationship stability.

And Finally

• Possibly find something else to blog about because I'm finding this angle of my therapy is wearing my already fragile state rather thin.

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

So Bite Me

Ok so i know that what i did was wrong but what makes me even more angry at you is that you wont even yell at me which is want and i know sorry wont even cut it cos i know your pain ive been there myself and im sure its so much worse for you cos you were actually in a proper full blown relationship that now me and my stupid fucking drunk body has gone and well and truly ruined for you and all i want is for you to be angry so that you can get it all out of your system cos bottling it all up can only lead to one thing DISASTER. Maybe what we need is a good old-fashioned cat fight but i dont think that would go down very well for us and our futures cos im sure that will a fighting thing on our records you wont get to be a teacher and i know that you cant be a lawyer with any type of record. All im saying is do whatever you want thats gonna make you feel happy again.

You dont ever have to trust me again cos i know how much you love him and if im honest i actually see this making you stronger than destroying you cos he loves you aswell and he will do anything for you.
So once again im sorry for making an enemy out of you and for permanently wrecking your trust in men.
StephanieJade
.

Ohhhh Dearrr

Jeebus i feel like a whore and only you could make me feel like that. I HATE HOW WE DO THIS.
You do realise that this now makes it a catasphrophe.
I know wont be able to be there in the same way again even earlier i was so ashamed and only you make me feel this way.I even saw her today ableit through a window and half a dining room but yet cos of this i still ducked and hid behind two juice cartons how flaming douchy is that.
And as per usual you made me loose my nose stud so i had to spend the evening with my earing in my nose if this forms into a tradition for us you may aswell just provide with a bunch and bring one with you whenever you feel as if this may occour.
I know im am not entirely blameless in this debacle far from it but i feel maybe you could have stopped this before it went way way way to far by saying just one word NO.
Maybe your right maybe when you said that we look for each other when our love lifes fuck up but how is your love life fucked up your the one with the stable girlfriend with whom your homeymoon period is coming to an end but unlike me you'll sail through all the hard times cos you'll just agree with her demands and not stand up for yourself and if i was at the end of mine thats it it'll all be over cos i'd stand up for what i want and i'll make damn sure my demands were met or at least flaming negotiated. Wheras mine well this blog is a testemant to how shit that department of my life is. Arrrggghhhhh we'll never be ross & rachel cos they sorted themselves out in the end yet our way of sorting it out and talking about it is 'it meant nothing we'll forget about it yer.?' and plus the roles are reversed for our situation ima the geeky clever one with a complete lack of social skills and your the one who while not the dictonary definition of hot but you are as thick as two short planks of wood. But tbh i want to be the mix of ross and rachel without you as i'd rather be playing this alcohol induced game of cat and mouse with someone else.
Because in the fine words of Rev Run ''Being alone is ok as long as your not lonely''

Much Love
StephanieJade
xx

Arghh

Ok so this is not the time i wanted this to happen i really did not want this to happen not now.
I have serious serious exams coming up that affect the rest oh my god damn life. All i wanted was to have this after all of them are over. I have chickenpox of which apparently in the age of where you get it at like pre-puberty im flaming geriatric. But hey gives me more revision time right maybe not cos all i have the attention span to do is really not alot example i watched the wizard of oz then when my parents were talking to me and my dad was like so what did you guys do today well we watched the wizard of oz well actually i watched it she didnt have the concentration span and she fell asleep but she still managed to hide behind a cushion. oh dear what is my life coming to.


Ahhh well anyways on a lighter note my team have just gone and done the double in the first time in the clubs history the premier league title and now the fa cup maybe it would have been good if we'd gone and done the champions league but we have like a month till the world cup and we have a chance i feel as there are extreme correlations with now and '66.Club&Country part of being human.
♥My Club&Country ♥Chelsea&England.

Much Love

StephanieJade

x

I dont know how much more of this I can take.

if im truly honest with you people. First i get completly and utterly thrown out of someones life like what we had wasnt even worth saying it to my face then i just get rejected which i could deal with. But now this, this doesnt make anysense at all when i was just get used to my lonely nun type exsitence you come up and throw this at me. Why do you boys all have to be the same i mean yer i can be a total slob around you and you would still love me and you say im the only girl who loves/loved you for who you are and im the only girl who you can really be yourself around. Whats wrong with the young male population arent they brought up to know that women arent there to be jerked around or play with they are there for you to spend the rest of your life with. And hes telling me all while he is stone cold sober which makes no sense to my tired whurring brain i mean i could soooo totally deal with this if it was a drunk converstaion as they say drunk minds speak sober hearts but nope he couldnt even do that right. Also to top it right off he has a girlfriend who i know quite well and it will all end in tears dearies i know because everytime were together it does.


Any way just to say im spreading my creative wings so to speak ive started riting a one-shot story loosely based on true blood should be good.
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Wedding Day Belles.

Dont they look lovely
Just thought i should let the world know that my uncle has finally made a honest woman of Sasha and his speech was lovely if a little sickening(though that may have been the chocolate cake and ice cream)

'This is the second happiest day of my life after of course the day Lay was born which also involved Sasha which i spose isnt suprising nor unusual'
Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Men ever so slightly half naked

'bashing' the crap outta each other with inanimate objects along with themselves as this is the one night of the year where in all the major matches where this is allowed.Yes ladies and gentlemen I am watching WWE Extreme Rules. This is my guilty pleasure and I see nothing wrong with watching these random pay per views that they have on Sky Sports and Raw on a Tuesday evening with oiled up men throwing themselves at each other while holding on to things like chairs pipes and sledgehammers or trying to get out of cages that on the face of it look quite easy to get out/escape from if there wasnt 15/16 stone of muscle standing in your way however I really should have my head in revision guides text books and notes or working out at circuit but unfortunately daddy seems to have put a stop to that little piece of social contact that i get of which I normally get very little of anyway. I mean even my family have better social lives than me.

Anyway on a lighter not I think my wanting to go to university is kinda pissing off my postman as on Saturday he actually had to knock on my front door to give us our post I had so many prospectuses along with the rest of our post it couldn't actually get through our letter box which could be seen as a bit of a disaster but i spose that depends on which way you look at it. anyway i get this wednesday kinda off (ima on a school trip) and a naice lie in next wednesday after a four day weekend for another school trip. All this along with the draft filling up my tomorrow evening and half a ton of revision shall be a very fun week.

After all....if you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself." Albert Einstein.

Wow

Ok two posts in one day arent you lucky, well i thought you deserve it seeing as for the last few weeks i have just filled this with me ranting about how shitty my life is and how my love life is crumbling beneath me. Anyway the sun is shining and the world seems to be okay for one day so here

Much Love
StephanieJade x

How Do

I tell you that i like you cos seeing as your a man and dont get the fact that i am blatenly putting it out there and it seems that everyone apart from you and your now brown haired head (i think all that dyes gone to your head to be honest) realises this fact. See now i dont really wanna put into a text cos that seems heartless and im too scared(yes i just admited it) to pull you aside and say it to your face cos if you say no then i would have to stay and hang around you for the rest of the night but despite of this rather dismal fact i have a speech on how to tell him. Bear with me cos this was thought up while in bed at 2 o'clock this morning.
S:Hey can i talk to you for a sec
H:Yer sure
S:Ok listen I like you and i need to know where i stand with you
Enter rest of my life falling apart conversation here.
Help me please cos i really dont have a clue what to do.

I Want You,

This is how im feeling at this particular moment with thanks to the delightful Kings Of Leon.

Get back on track, pick me up some bottles of booze (preferably vodka or lager)
Fickle freshman, probly thinks she's cooler than you(Yer she probably does as does he)
A hay ride at 5, everybodys comin around
So go press you skirt, word is there's a new girl in town... (Really well i guess then im rather late)

I call shotgun, you can play your RnB tunes(I always get shotgun wether your playing RnB or not tbh)
The fellow?, it always comes a little too soon
The land of the free, freshened up from babyfaced shame(there isnt anywhere thats free & i dont really have anything to be ashamed about)
Put your eyes on me, and I know a place that we can't get away... (I dont really want your eyes on me on there own i'd like alot other things
Just say I want you, just exactly like I used to
Cos baby this is ooooonly bringin me down...

Home-boy's so proud, finally got the video proof
The night vision shows she was only duckin the truth
It's heavy I know, black guy with the gift down below
A choke and a gag, she spit up n came back for more...(shes a dirty slag she'd have anything with a pulse even if they are gay or whatever they're telling everyone these days.)

She sed I want you, just exactly like I used to (I DO WANT YOU but seeing as i've never had you before but i do want you)
And baby this is ooooonly bringin me down...(the only place i'd love for you to bring me down from is hell/heaven depending on which way you wanna send me)
She sed I want you

I want you, just exactly like I used to
And baby this is oooonly bringin me down...
I said I want you, just exactly like I used to
And baby this is oooonly bringin me down

Much Love
StephanieJade
x

Ive Made Up My Mind

For now that is until something else needs to be added to the forever growing to-do list. This afternoon i decided to not all together give up on my dream of being a world-class forensic scientist and concentrate on my law & history courses as these seem to be the only way ima gonna get anywere in life. I also decided that i will still lust after both men but im gonna try and focus my romantic attentions towards just one with try being the key word and just one being the extremely key phrase within that sentence though if that doesnt work i will be screaming from the top of my block'thats it i'm becoming a god damn bloody nun'.
I like the weather being like this but another thing on this ever growing list of mine is to get away from it all and lie on a beach somewhere with a good book and a rather large bottle of rum or other alcoholic beverage to get everything sorted within the large swirling mass that is called my brain but i highly doubt it because nothing ever really escapes from there its like the handbag sketch from Lee Evans:Big
Woman:Here love get this outta my bag
Man:Nahhhh here love you do it Ive seen things go in there and they aint never come out.
But anyways life does seem to be looking up im feeling a growing love for my chemistry & history AS levels.
'To errr is to human, To arr is to pirate.
Much love
StephanieJade
x

Two Nights Out

And still my love life is fucked. However this time it was my own flaming fault maybe i should have just gone upstairs with him and let him get exactly what he wanted but no i had to stay down stairs and sleep on his front room floor.Though i did suprise myself by making the first move after complaining for most of the night cos i normally like the guy to make the first move traditional much. i gave him a hug cos he made me a cuppa tea which i always drink when i get drunk then i gave him a kiss and all he said was that was unexpected instead of what i wanted which was either a proper return kiss or a cute comment ahhh well a girl can only wish.It also turns out that he still has feelings for this other girl so basically i feel that he was with me for a) out of pity, b) i was only girl (i think) out of our group that he hadnt been with, c) he just wanted to get laid, d) i was the rebound or there may be the rather scary reason that i dont really want to admit that he actually liked me as a person and thought we could work but im going for the former seeing as the balance of probabilites (naice bit of legal language for you guys) is leaning on that side. He lent me his hoodie as i was freezing ( i think he needs to get the heating engineer out cos that central heating twas shit) which was naice of him and all but when i went to give it back to him as there was no possible way i could have left with it on anyway him being the lazy arse that he is was still in bed so i left it along with his indanna jones hat on the chair in his parentals room i went see ya later love expecting nothing more than an acknowleging shrug of the shoulders but no a stunted conversation ensued about how it was naice for me to come and he'll see me when he comes back then with that i took my leave he also didnt reply to my thankyou text ( my mummy taught me manners and people should realise that they dont cost anything) so i think hes just ignoring me. then there is the other bloke who im guessing will be on top form tonite with the fliriting and everything with it being his birthday but after the last two days in my life i dont think i can deal with that but am i countering this by not going out tonight not to see him no im going because i have his card and i want to give it to him personnally to see his face and because my liver needs alot of coke. Are you good at math?Can you substitute my X without asking Y please?
Much love
Stephanie
x

Ive decided that....

Im amazing. Ok so please dont take that as me being all big headed and having a HUGE ego cos while i believe there are times where i am big headed and can have a egotistic complex those times are kinda few and far between really. I was getting ready to have a shower when i saw myself side on in the mirror and it dawned on me finally that im not the ugly sheep that ive believed that i am up till now i have a beautiful face amazing legs a pretty naice rack if i saw so and a pretty good back so i can i jump for joy knowing this. No. Why i hear you cry. Because while i would be happy to be any choice on your list i'd rather be number one basically i wanna tell you how i feel without feeling like a douche and you actually returning those feelings. I wanna just go up to you and say i wanna be with you and everything but seeing as from what ive heard and what i know of you you're one of those guys that thinks hes amazing with women but im guessing you'd probably treat me like a douche and i'd probably let you and keep on letting you do it cos i dont want to go with the flow anymore and end up alone as always. Though i know im on my own because while i'll flirt be all nice to you and probably end up being with you in all senses of the word but i'll still be deep down the fucking cold heartless beatch that has an inability to properly be with anyone. Basically im pouring my heart out to you here cos i want you to try and make me change for the better even though you wont read this cos your a facebook child i wanna say i think im falling in love with you.
Much love
Stephanie
x

Men&Friends dont really mix

Ok so a while a back i was kinda with this guy who shall remain nameless (as will other people in this story) and it was complicated then after we had apperently sorted everything out it turns out while were sorting it out he went and slept with one of my friends so that thats the first reason why they dont really mix. Anyway it gets worse after a time of dodgy and strained friendship we made up (please dont rant at me for making up with her) but it seems the rest of our lil group of friends seem to have ex-communicated her and they think (possibly quite rightly) she is a slag but after a shindig on good friday it turns out im friends with a bunch of man whores as despite having a girlfriend on boy got with three girls then this guy i still like after so much shizelle kisses a woman (who if i was to turn into a lesbian and had to choose someone out of my friends to go with it would be her) then practically sleeps with me and they have the audacity to call her a slag so thats another reason. So basically if i dont get my love life sorted out pretty i soon you'll probably hear me shout 'do you know what fuck this i'm becoming a nun'.
Much Love
StephanieJade
x